Fearless Confession of a Bonafide Iskwater

Photo courtesy of Jewel Mapagu

How many have you tried among the following items?

1. Shoplifting in any department stores, groceries, supermarkets or alike within the last five years
2. Engaging in an outdoor sexual encounter with a total stranger
3. Answering a random but critical call of nature in the middle of nowhere without any sanitary back ups
4. Attending special occasions or important activities not wearing any undies
5. Sticking your booger underneath a table or workstation
6. Repeatedly wearing same underwear for at least three consecutive days
7. Sniffing your own upper, lower, midwest or midsouth body odor
8. Fulfilling sexual fantasies alone in public places like office building's fire exit, friend's house or food chain's washroom
9. Swallowing your own puke 
10. Intentionally not paying fare when taking FX or any PUV's
11. Checking your own underboobs to see wether it's wet or dry (or powdery)
12. Giving sexually provocative look to a prospect prior to official introduction
13. Singing aloud in a group of people with wrong lyrics
14. Washing dishes using recycled H2O
15. Sleeping on a stinky bed
16. Refilling containers of branded products with less expensive or local version of the item 
17. Taking home free toiletries from any 5-star hotels
18. Having forced diet due to financial shortage
19. Growing your hair and claiming that you want to set a trend where in fact you just can't afford a decent haircut
20. Not seeing any flick on a movie house for the last six months
21. Doing window shopping more than twice a week
22. Staying for hours in a well-known coffee shop without ordering but has been freely accessing wi-fi or just playing gadget games
23. Smoking Mark, Champion, Fortune or any less than 1 peso per stick brands of cigarettes
24. Using a so-called "jumper" or a "splitter" to save electric and cable bills respectively
25. Purposely not returning excessive change from a purchased product
26. Making friends to acquire status symbol or financial benefits
27. Not experiencing AirConditioning and electric fan is the only source of ventilation in the household
28. Graduating from a high school which was named after the place where you live, known Philippine Heroes or former Presidents (examples: Tabing Dagat National High School, Mataas na Paaralan ng Sapang Bato, Jose Pidal Science High School and FPJ Experimental High School)
29. Pigging out on a party of a not-so-closed friend with a secretly kept and packed foods to bring home
30. Writing down personal contact numbers on places like mall comfort rooms and on the backseats of public buses to search for possible phonepals, textmates, dates and hook ups

Judgment time!!! Now that you have honestly counted the number of qualifiers to identify the level of your Iskwaterness, you may now see the corresponding results listed below.

26-30 = No doubts, you are who you are... From head to toe, you possess the most outstanding level of LowLifeNess. The severity tells that you were born with the basic qualities but you were able to develop them through time. You just reached the sky high benchmark... 

21-25 = Congratulations! You are a Board Member... Whatever yo do henceforth will not change anything. You will die a proud Iskwala!

16-20 = Full Blown Status! Nothing can be done to be ousted on the list. You are one of the million Iskwalas of the 3rd World...

11-15 = If you are below 25, you will eventually level up!

6-10 = Nice try but you better do some more. Sorry you failed the test.

1-5 = Few tries did not make you to the qualifying round. That only means you are just a trying hard squatter! Get out of here...

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