More More More

Pagkagising ko isang hapon ng Martes...

More hanap ng yosibells just like an addict na candidate for rehab ang drama... Stay ako by the window at after ilang split with matching cart wheel seconds, I decided to be Emo while puffing my 3rd to the last  yosi stick. Napahaba ang bawat hit-hit ng usok at bago pa man ibuga ang smokey manoloto, may mga kung ano na pumasok sa aking brain cells... Ilang mga questions... Kugulumihanan (ano raw?)... Confirmed! Bet ko nga talagang magpaka-Emo that time... I asked myself... Where am I going? As in! Saan ba talaga patungo ang buhay ko? Masaya ba ako? May kulang ba? Ano pa ba gusto ko? Gusto ko ba kung ano meron? Hayyyyyyy.... sabay super ocean deep breath... Baliw-baliwan lang teh? Ano nga ba meron?

One more yosi pa akey ng ikalawang stick to continuously enjoy ang moment of silence... I realized, katagalan na rin pala 'yung last 'Me' time ko... 'Yun bang moment for myself and with myself... I feel kasi na important din 'yun ha... Parang General meeting with yourself to assess things that recently happened... Super helpful kaya un... You get to talk to yourself...Plan for stuff you'd like to accomplish as a person... Argue with yourself...Get clarity on what lies ahead....at 'pag nagkapikunan, you might end up fighting with yourself na rin at malamang hurt yourself 'pag sad ending! Gawain lang naman kasi ito ng mga taong confident sa personal sanity niya. For sure most of us have tried it...

More more going back to the dramarama sa hapon.... I continued to silently talk to myself... This time, I tried answering the questions I asked....

Where am I going?

Sa tanong na ito wala pala akong ibang sagot kundi kapilosopohan lang...Pasok sa work...Gimmick 'pag Saturday..Church sa Sunday...'Yun! I want to escape from the fact that at my age ha, parang walang straight direction kung saan ako pupunta! Hndi naman kasi ako born plannner... Come what may kaya favorite song ko so malamang, whatever will be, will be rin ang peg dapat... I am not seeing this mindset changing unless I'll realize the soonest na I am not getting any younger...and thinner!

Am I happy?

Hmmmnnnnn... Well... Since may pauses and dead air whenever I am asked if I am happy or not, siguro I can say na generally I am! I am Happy naman... 'Yung pauses and dead air naman eh signs of thinking so as long as I am sure that my brain is still working well, ayos na ako dun... Keri na siguro na I can always make people around me happy... It's enuf reason to say I am happy kasi marami naman talagang reasons to be one - I am employed, I have 920 Friends sa FB na kilala ko lahat, I have money to spend so I could eat... Keri! I am Happy!

May Kulang ba?

Lovelife?  It's not included as one of the basic needs ng tao... I still can survive without it.  Ikanga ng mga loser, "Choice ko 'to!"

Ano ba gusto ko?

Simple lang. Inspirasyon. I am inspiringly inspired to be inspired by an inspiring inspiration...

Not necessarily someone. Open naman ako for living and non-living things.... but more than anything, I would want to be more inspired so I could do more, be more and write more...

More...More...More...